We have another angel.

Another one has left us. Panther was having trouble pooping last night (30th-31st) so I sequestered him in the bathroom for the night (of course, with the usual food/water/litter box). Scott and I were going to make an appointment for him for Saturday, because he'd been losing weight over the last year. He was about 9 1/2 years old (would've been 10 around Thanksgiving), and had been with us since he showed up at our back deck at 1 1/2 years old with pneumonia. For those who know Cai von Kugler, this is the Panth she had for a while who came back to live with us again.

I stayed up until dawn with him, hanging out with him and talking to him (along with lots of pets, of course). I finally needed to get at least some sleep, so I went to bed. I was asleep for around an hour and a half, and when I woke up he had passed away. He was cross-ways in the tub, and Scott said it looked like he might've had a seizure and passed soon after I went to bed. I think he waited until I wasn't hovering.

The other cats knew what had happened, because they were all surrounding me when I got up. Sherbet, his littermate brother, is upset, totally understandable! When Scott got home, he buried Panth next to Heimdall underneath the pine tree. We have a single yellow rose blooming this year on the bush under that tree, and that's where most of our angel furkids are buried.

 Panther

Nov. 2012 - Aug. 31, 2022

A Gotcha Day anniversary, a Bridge Day anniversary, and a new angel

The PDX pride mama here.  This post is not one that I wanted to ever write.  I'll start with the good thing.  Today is Freya's & Heimdall's 12th Gotcha Day anniversary!  After Skylar went to the Bridge 12 years ago (that was on the 23rd), I was looking at kittens online at Salem Friends of Felines and saw Heimdall's picture.  I showed it to Scott, then he saw that Heimdall had a sister.  We knew then that they had been sent to us by Skylar & Lydia, because they looked so much like them.  Freya & Heimdall were 3 1/2 months old when we got them.

Now, the sad news.  Only Freya is here to celebrate.  Heimdall went to the Bridge on the 23rd, so he now shares a Bridge Day date with Skylar.  In April, Heimdall came down with a really bad double ear infection.  We took him to a vet we hadn't used before (mistake #1) instead of our regular vet because we couldn't get in to our regular vet in a decent amount of time.  The other vet diagnosed his double ear infection, gave us medication (actually four different ones) and we were told that he had a "mass" in his right ear that would continue to grow and had ruptured his eardrum.  Mistake #2, because the "mass" was actually an ear polyp which ended up shrinking back down without damaging the eardrum.  We were told that he would have chronic ear infections, a head tilt, and awkward gait for the rest of his life.

Because of this (mis)diagnosis, we didn't get him rechecked more than once after that initial visit (mistake #3).  He started going downhill fast the last three weeks.  He was very lethargic, had given up, and wasn't interested in food (although he was still eating, just more because he thought he should rather than because he felt he needed to eat).  He shakily climbed up onto the futon to snuggle with his daddy the last couple days of his life.  He wasn't grooming himself at all, even when he fell down in the litter box, since we took him in to that vet in April, and he started to resent me trying to clean him up.  He had litter caked in-between his toes that he didn't take care of, so his daddy and I had to.  We made the appointment to put him to sleep.

At his appointment (with our regular vet), we were told that his eardrums were intact, his ear canals had a lot of debris in them but that the vet could see the eardrums which didn't look damaged at all.  The vet said there were small polyps (probably what the other vet had called a mass) that were not impeding the ear canal at all.  However, because his sinus infection had blown all out of proportion due to being untreated (because we had thought the symptoms were from ruptured eardrums and the mass), his poor body was so weakened that he would've had a long, uphill battle to regain his health.  I made the decision to not put him through that and to put him to sleep instead.  I held him while the vet gave him his shots.  He growled at the vet and stuck his tongue out when the vet put his paws back onto my lap, but then he put his head down on my hand like he loved to do and was gone.

We brought his body back, opened the box, and let the others say their goodbyes.  Freya curled up in the box lid, so we had one dead tuxie twin in one side of the box and one live tuxie twin in the other.  She's kind of lost without him, since they have never been apart since they were littermates.  I had to lift her out of the lid twice so that I could hand the box with Heimdall's body to his daddy.  He buried him by the roses under the cedar tree in the backyard, near where Carbon and Rori are buried.

I just finished writing an e-mail to the other vet, telling them what happened.  So many mistakes on their part and on our part.  We feel so guilty for letting our boy down by not taking him for a second opinion.  We should've done more for him.  He should be here to celebrate today with his sister.

Heimdall with his favorite toy, a fishy potato chip clip

Heimdall Skylar

March 24, 2010 to July 23, 2022

End of an era and many sads

We lost Tabby in September, Rori in November, and Starla in December.  This scrapbook page was made by Mommy using scrapbooking supplies from The Cherry On Top.

Shadow:  Uncle Panther, I has a sads.  I has many sads.
Panther:  Me, too, Shadow.  It's not just a kitten feeling.  We big cats have it, too.  Anytime we have to say goodbye to a family member, it's hard, and especially this past year.  We had to say goodbye to the three oldest.
Shadow:  But why?  Why did they have to run off to the Bridge?  I only just got here, and only just met them, and now not only Auntie Tabby but Auntie Rori and Auntie Starla are gone, too!
Panther:  Because no one lives forever, little one.  Not even aunties and uncles, or mommies or daddies.  We all will someday run off to the Bridge, too, but hopefully not for a long time.
Shadow:  I know they didn't feel well.  Is that why?  Were they all sickies?
Panther:  Yes, Shadow, they were all sick.  Rori and her sister Little Bit, who went to the Bridge before you came to live with us, both had seizures and Rori's were getting a lot worse.  She was so weak that she could barely move around, yet somehow she kept going when we thought we would have had to say goodbye to her a while ago.  I don't know how she had the strength to keep on going, but that's part of what made her such a wonderful Big Kitty.  I miss her, too.  I wish she were still here so that I didn't have to be the Big Kitty now.  Even though I'm in charge, I don't want to be.
Shadow:  Really?  But you're a great kitty to have in charge!
Panther:  Thank you.  But yes, really.  Rori was the best Big Kitty, even better than when Auntie Tigress was the outside Big Kitty.  Tigress doesn't want to be the inside Big Kitty, though.  She's done with that job now that she's inside.
Shadow:  Oh.  Was it just the shakes that Rori had that made her sickies?
Panther:  We don't know.  Not even the vet knew for sure, although they think that she had pancreatitis, too.  She had that for a while.  All we know is that Rori was very, very sick and one day she just couldn't hold on any longer.  She stopped eating and drinking, and then got so weak that she couldn't barely pull herself to the litter box.  She was begging Mommy and Daddy to help her, so they helped her to the Bridge.  She was hurting a lot.
Shadow:  I'm glad she's not hurting any more.
Panther:  Me, too.
Shadow:  But what about Auntie Starla?  She smelled bad.  She peed on the floor.
Panther:  Yes, she did.  She never really learned how to use the litter box.  Her original people were bad.
Shadow:  You mean they returned her like my first people did?
Panther:  No, even worse than you can ever imagine.  They didn't ever take care of her.  They scared and hurt her and wouldn't let her inside their house.
Shadow:  That's super-bad!
Panther:  Yes, and there's more, but I'll wait until you're a little older to tell you that.  So she never was taught to use the litter box like most indoor kitties.  She used the floor instead, although Mommy and Daddy taught her to use the floors that were easier to clean up.
Shadow:  And the tub.
Panther:  Yes, and the tub.  That was easiest to clean up!  But then she got really sick and forgot to use the easy-to-clean-up spots.  She used the new wood floors, which was a big no-no.
Shadow:  Is that why she ran off to the Bridge?
Panther:  No, not really.  Mommy cleaned up after her, and so did Daddy sometimes.  They didn't like cleaning all that up, but they knew that Starla couldn't remember to use the other places.  The reason she had to run off to the Bridge just before Christmas was that she got cancer.
Shadow:  What's that?  Whatever it is, I know it isn't a nice thing!  Mean cancer.
Panther:  Yes, it is mean.  It means she was very sick, as sick as Tabby was, but in a different way.  That's why she was so skinny.  Then, when she was too tired and sick to notice that she was peeing when she was sleeping, Mommy and Daddy knew it was time to help her to the Bridge.
Shadow:  What does Mommy mean when she keeps saying that it's the end of an era?
Panther:  Well, none of the kitties who are here now were the ones who moved here with Mommy and Daddy ten years ago.  I wasn't even born then, and neither were any of the others who are here now.
Shadow:  Not even Freya & Heimdall?  They're old, but not as old as the others!
Panther:  Not even them.  The ones who moved here were Tabby, Carbon, Skylar, Rori, Starla, and Spooky.  He looked like you and like me, but he ran off to the Bridge when he was a kitten.  Everyone else, everyone who is here now, wasn't even born then.
Shadow:  Oh.  I don't want anyone else to go away!
Panther:  I don't, either.  *licks the top of Shadow's head*

Very sad day

The PDX pride mommy writes:

I have very sad news.  Last night, we had to say goodbye to Tabby.  She was down to just under 6 lbs., had advanced dementia, and was falling off the places she chose to sleep.  Last night, she could barely get to her favorite recliner and then was very disoriented so she only stayed on her daddy's lap for a few minutes before coming in and climbing shakily onto my lap.  It was time.  We all said our goodbyes at home, then we harnessed her up for one last car ride.  She watched out the windows and knew where we were once we got to the vet, but then became disoriented again when we were carrying her into the building.  She fell asleep gently while air-kneading just before 10:30 pm, then was given the final shot and passed peacefully.  The above picture was taken while waiting for the vet to come in with the shots.  She looks worried because she was so disoriented that she didn't really know quite why I would be taking a picture of her there.

We brought her body home and buried her in the yard by her brother, Carbon.  The others got the chance to sniff her body and say goodbye once again if they wanted to.  The twins and Starla declined, but the others came over to pay their respects.  This was Shadow's first time dealing with death, and he still isn't quite sure what happened, but the others are helping him.  He gently touched her body with his paw, then lay down next to the box that held it.

Thank you for all the love you have shown our girl over the years.

Fly free, Little Bit!

The PDX pride mommy writes:

On May 19th, we put our Little Bit to sleep.  She had been unable to contain her pee and had been having "rolling pees", where she would roll and spray while biting her side or her leg.  At first we thought she had "hot spots", but then we realized it was something more serious.  This had been going on for years, but had gotten way worse the past few weeks.  Our whole family, including Mommy S., Mommy Erin, and the kids, said our goodbyes. The PDX pride daddy and I bundled Bitty up and took her to the emergency vet.  He agreed that she was most likely having a series of seizures that had been going on for years.  I held her and petted her while she drifted away.  All the cats gathered around her body when we got back to the house and said their goodbyes, then the PDX pride daddy buried her in the backyard.  She was 10 years old.  April 1, 2008 to May 19, 2018.

Fly Free, Carbon!

Carbon, June 8, 2005 to August 17, 2016

Carbon writes:

Today I earned my angel wings.  I'm sad about leaving my family, especially my sister, Tabby, but I'm glad to be feeling whole again in mind and body.

The above picture was taken a few years ago, when I was still feeling well.  Within the last year, I've really been failing.  I lost a lot of weight, my fur on my tail and sides got so matted that I begged Mommy to cut the mats out (which I hated doing) without a struggle.  I yelled for food and followed everyone around for bites of theirs, so Mama Shawnee nicknamed me "Shark".  She trained me to sit on the footstool in the kitchen and wait while she cooked omelettes, then she would give me bites of the egg and meat.

Within the last week, my mind's been failing, too.  I've always been super-smart and alert, but lately I've been not listening, not responding the same way to others and things, and taking a while to realize when I needed to use the litter box.  Well, that last one has been for a few months now, actually, although up until the last few days I would go try if someone said to.

Last night, Mommy came down the hallway to find me being a loaf (normal) with a glazed expression on my face (very not-normal).  She asked me if I was ok, and it took me about a minute to focus enough to look up at her, and then I had a confused expression on my face.  I didn't know how I'd gotten to that spot, why I was there, if I'd been headed somewhere else, or why Mommy was worried!  She asked me if I wanted a hug or a cuddle, and I meowed sadly at her.  My meow changed, too, from what it had been.  I sounded as lost as I felt.

Mommy picked me up and gave me a huge hug, then carried me to a chair and sat down with me on her lap.  She gave me another big hug while some of the other cats gathered around to sniff me.  I tried to tell her that I was ready to go to the Bridge.  The others knew it, too.

Early this morning, Rori ran to get Daddy, meowing her head off.  Daddy didn't know what she was trying to tell him, but she sounded and acted very worried.  Daddy asked Mommy, but she didn't know why, either.  Once she woke up, though, she knew.

I was in my box lid in the dining room, where I loved to hang out and nap, but whenever anyone else approached the food or the water, I ran to them and beat them up.  Then I ran back to my box lid and lay down again.  Tabby was supposed to go on one of her animal-assisted therapy visits, but I beat her up, too, when she tried to eat breakfast.  She was so upset, she ran and asked Mommy what was going on with me.  Then she wouldn't leave the part of the room I was in, choosing to watch over me even though I wouldn't let her snuggle.

Truth be told, I didn't even recognize the other cats as my family today.  All I knew was they were trying to get my food and my water, so I defended what was mine.  I feel very sad about that, and I hope they know I didn't mean it personally.

Daddy and Mommy discussed what to do, but it was more like when, not what.  Mommy called the vet, Mama Shawnee, and Mama Cai, while Daddy called Mama Erin and texted Debbie and Kimila (friends of ours who loved me).  Once the purrents were ready, Mommy tricked me into the carrier bag and zipped me in.  I tried to get out a few times, and ended up sticking my head out while we went out to the car, but Mommy was holding my head.  I actually did better on the car ride than both Daddy and Mommy thought, but especially better than Daddy thought I'd do.  I kept my pee in my body, which is a big thing for me on car rides, and hardly yelled at all.  My purrents petted me while we traveled.

At the vet's, there were a lot of dogs on one side, but the other side was pretty quiet.  Daddy checked me in while I lay in the carrier on the quiet side on Mommy's lap.  Then Daddy held me for a while in the carrier, too.  He reassured me that none of the doggies would come and get me, and told me none of them were Mixx, the one who lived with us until recently.  Mixx lives somewhere else now; long story, and not ours to tell, but not by anyone's choice.

It was going to be 20 minutes for a room if my purrents wanted to be with me when the vet put me to sleep, or they could take me back right away if we didn't need a room.  Daddy can't deal with being in the room emotionally, too sad for him.  Mommy sometimes does and sometimes doesn't.  She felt that it would be best if it were done as soon as possible, so the vet tech took me back.  At 2:15 pm, I went to the Bridge.  They wrapped me in a thin blanket that had been donated for that purpose and put me into a cardboard box, then taped it up and took my body out to my purrents.  Mommy and Daddy both had been crying, and cried more when they got into the car.

At home, Mommy opened the box and took my body out, after uncovering my head and paws.  Autumn wanted to hop in the box, but no one would let her.  Then she saw me in there, and left the box alone.  Daddy let everyone know what had happened, and he and Mommy petted everyone.  My sister sniffed me, nuzzled my ear, sniffed my paws, and slowly walked over to Daddy.  He told her how sorry he was, but that I wasn't coming back, then she walked over to Mommy to the same response.  She slowly walked back, and conferred with Missy about it.  One by one, everyone came to pay their respects.  Sherbet didn't want to come up to my body, and hissed at Mommy when she went over to him to have him smell her hands, so she didn't push the issue.  Starla was carried over to me, sniffed me, conferred with Tabby, then figured it out and ran to the chair.  Daddy carried the twins in from the other room.  Freya kept thinking that I was just sleeping, and came back many times to check on my, thinking I might wake up.  Mommy got Rori, who took the news badly and bolted back down the hallway.

Daddy dug a hole and buried me by the cedar tree in the backyard, by the roses where Miss Marble is buried.  That's the toughest part emotionally for him:  digging the hole and laying the body to rest, then covering it up.  It's so final.  He and Mommy are going to keep the blanket I was wrapped in and use it in the carrier for the others for vet visits and things like that.  They also have a clay double-paw print that I made for them at the vet's, with my name stamped below my paw prints.

I love you all, purrents, friends, sissy, nieces, nephews, and extended furmily!  I'll wait for you here at the Bridge with the other angels.

Love,

    Carbon Cuddlekins/Fluffikins

P.S.  How appropriate that today's Black Cat Appreciation Day!

Miss Marble's 1st Bridge Day Anniversary

Miss Marble writes:

It was one year ago today that I left my earthly family and gained my angel wings.  I know that they still miss me terribly.  I don't know what made me not notice the car coming, or what made me try right then to cross the street, which I normally never did.  You might say I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Or was I?  Because I left for the Bridge, my sister decided that she could start to come inside.  She thought it was my territory before, so she didn't want to intrude on a place she considered to be only mine.  We shared most territory, but she didn't want to try to come inside while I was alive.  When she came back from her walkabout a couple months after I flew to the Bridge, she immediately decided inside was a good place!  Now she's almost as comfortable inside as I was!

I miss you, sissy Tigress, and I miss all of my inside family, my purrents, and all my friends.  Love to you from the Bridge!

Four years....

Skylar, it's now four years since you left us, and in many ways I still can't believe it. I know you visit us from time to time, along with our other angels, but it seems surreal to think that it's been this long already. Your daddy and I still smile and laugh at how similar Heimdall, the one you found for me, behaves to how you used to behave. Just yesterday, he was trying to mooch cinnamon rolls from your grandma and me after sneaking in somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. Is it any wonder we gave him your name as his middle name?
 Skylar, you came into my life chowing down on a tomato in my garden, and the night before you went to the Bridge you yowled one last time for your yummy food. Thanks for letting me be part of your life and for embracing all of us. No matter how many years it becomes, we never will forget you!

Miss Marble has flown to the Bridge

Miss Marble writes:

This is my last blog post.  Goodbye friends!  I will watch over every one of you from the Rainbow Bridge, and I will send down my love to you!

Last night, I snuggled with Mommy, Daddy, and my inside family, but this morning I wanted out again (as usual).  My purrents have a jingle bell necklace on the door to the other dimension (aka the front door), and I have learned to make that ring to tell them I want out.  I rang the bell this morning, so Mommy let me out, saying "See you later" as usual.  They never kept me inside against my will.  I was born feral, and they knew that I would never be happy as just an inside kitty, so they let me go outside when I wanted.

A few hours later, Daddy was getting ready to leave for an appointment.  He went out the door, looked at the road, and saw something.  It was I, lying in a pool of blood on the road.  I had been hit by a car while crossing the road.  I was killed instantly.

At the approximate time I was killed, my inside-mama-cat Freya (not my real mama cat, but she treated me as her kitten) had stopped walking for a few minutes and sat down, unfocusing on the household and focusing on something else.  Mommy thought it was very strange at the time, but she and Daddy now realize that she probably had heard me make one last cry.

Daddy collected me on a bag and buried me under my favorite cedar tree and roses, where my sister and I used to play as kittens and rest as adults.  Mommy and Daddy are hoping that my sister will come visit, but they haven't seen her since Panther took over the backyard territory.

I love you all very much, and that love transcends death.

Skylar's three-year Bridge Day anniversary

It's been three years since Skylar became an angel.  What a lot has changed in that time!  We still miss him every single day, but treasure the memories, especially as we see Heimdall & Freya grow into their adult selves.  When Freya carries her fuzzy socks around the house, meowing to them, we're reminded of Skylar's sister Lydia doing the same thing with yarn puffballs.  When Heimdall snuggles into our arms or gets a funny look on his face and dashes around the house yowling at the top of his lungs, we laugh and remember Skylar doing the same things.

Those years with Skylar grow ever sweeter looking back.  He was the mommy's first kitty, and adopted her before she officially adopted him.  He was almost five years old at the time of his adoption, fully his adult self, but still willing to start his life over with Mommy and Daddy, his littermate, and two small kittens (Tabby and Carbon).  Between that day and the end of his life, he was honorary uncle to many foster kittens, enjoying every minute of playing tails with them and teaching them how to play.  Mommy was his person, but he adopted Mommy Erin as his second person, then Daddy as his third person and (then baby) JJ as his fourth person.  He loved to terrorize his sister Lydia, but she loved putting up with it.  It was a game between the two of them.

Even at the end, old and crochety as he was, he would come over for a snuggle and a proffered lap to sleep in.  He loved being held like a baby.  He never lost his wonderful Siamese yowl, especially when it came to food, and was the official timekeeper of the household.

We love and miss you every day, Skylar.  Thank you for sharing our lives and letting us into yours!

Lydia's Bridge Day Anniversary

Sweet Lady Lydia, today marks two years since you flew away to the Bridge.  I still miss you every day, and I know your dad does, too.  Skylar is with you now, together again just as you were in life, and I know you both are looking down on us.

Freya is sooo much like you, love.  Sometimes, I think Rori thinks Freya's you in miniature.  Sometimes I think we all do.  She could be you come back to us, she's that similar in looks & behavior.  She is learning to snuggle with her daddy just like you did, and Rori is teaching her how to be a lady of the house (when Freya's not chasing Rori wanting her to play, lol).  Freya & Heimdall are bonded and act like you and Skylar, and we're forever grateful for them, knowing that you and your brother had a paw in sending them to us.

We love you so much, Lydia, and will always love you!  We honor and cherish your memory today and always.

Love,

Mom.