Saturday, July 17, 2010

Fading

Skylar says:

Tonight, I let Mom "speak" with me, commune with my inner self. I don't know how humans explain it, but it's how we cats talk with each other. Mom can do it, and Dad can, too, but not often, just under the right circumstances. Everything has to be calm.

I'm aching. All my joints are hurting. Mom says it's something called arthritis. It hurts to move, hurts to lie down. My vision is a bit blurry, too, and Dad had to clean my eye twice today because of mucous. That's from a "kitty cold", mostly.

I'm hungry a lot. I get my wet food twice a day, but I used to "graze" instead, eating small bites throughout the day. It's tough to get used to eating only twice, so I'm hungry during the middle of the day and let my parents know it. When it's food time, I run down the hallway to Tabby & Carbon's room (aka the spare room), starting up my yowl as soon as I hit the doorway, and stand on my plate so that Mom has to move me to put my food on it. Then, I eat my fill and curl up on the chair in that room, yowling once to let everyone know I'm done for the moment. Then, Mom lets everyone else in to get a treat of what I've left on the plate.

I seldom snuggle with my parents anymore, but did this evening with Mom, to let her know what's going on with me. I was shaky as I stood on her, looking her in the eyes. Then, with effort, I lay down, wanting my chin scritched while she went over my body to "see" how I was doing. I'm still not putting on any weight, and my fur's still matting. She brushes me with the slicker brush, and that gets a major part of the mats, but not everything and I hate being brushed. My bones are rubbing my skin in some places, like my shoulders and my heels. Massages aren't really helping.

My favorite places are the bathtub and the kitty tent. I've given up sleeping in my recliner, preferring to curl up in one of my two chosen places instead. Dad has to lift me out of the bathtub when he comes home from work, or else I'd stay in there until he turned the water on for his shower. I get out when it's Mom's turn for a shower, though, for some reason. I'm using the box normally, and drinking water normally.

I told Mom tonight that I'm not quite ready to leave even though I'm hurting and confused, and she said that all I have to do is tell them when I can't stand it anymore and they'll release me. My kitty nieces and nephew aren't ready yet, so I'm going to stay around until they can handle the transition. I can tell Mom and Dad will never be quite ready to let me go, but they will do what's best for me. Rori knows what's going on, knows I'm close to leaving, and has been watching from a distance rather than her usual headbutting-following-me-around behavior. Death always troubles her, and she hides from it and then picks up the pieces. That's why my sister chose her to be Big Kitty of the Household. She came and sat with us on the couch tonight as I was talking with Mom, just sat, watching and listening, then walked over and rubbed against me telling me that she understands. Then she let Mom pet her, too.

We don't know how long it's going to be. No one ever knows.

Mom says that she talked with the vet about a week and a half ago, when she ordered my fluids (which I've been taking every two days). Dr. Bob now thinks I may have cancer, since my behavior's changed so abruptly. Nothing in my behavior seems to correlate with kidneys or hyper-T, in fact some of it counterindicates. So cancer is their next guess. If it is, then it's in a place where it's not showing up yet and not a mass, maybe in the bone marrow. That's what Dr. Bob said, and Mom and Dad think that's most likely, too. That's what they've been thinking for a while, and sensing from me as well.

We just don't know anything for sure, but who ever does?

22 comments:

Marlene and Pedda said...

We're crossing our paws and fingers that you feel better. The Rainbow Bridge is a place where you can play and feel young again while you wait for your loved ones to join you. Blessings to you and your family.

Eric and Flynn said...

We are purring for a peaceful crossing for you Skylar when you feel you are ready to go.

Kea said...

Skylar, we too are praying and purring for your peaceful, merciful, gentle and quick passing to the Bridge.

Wishing you and your humans much universal Light.

Kitty kisses and hugs to all.

Sparkle said...

Skylar, you are so very, very wise. I know that you will know exactly the right time to tell your humans you are ready. Purrs to you.

Daisy said...

Oh Skylar, I am so sorry you are feeling poorly. You are lucky to have a mom and dad looking out for you who will help you to the Bridge when it is your time. Enjoy the time you have left with them, and may you go softly when it is your time. {{{hugs}}}

Brian said...

My sisters and I are purring for you sweet Skylar. We hope you feel better but when the time is yours you will know. You continue to touch many lives. Purrs.

AFSS said...

Skylar, we are sending healing and comforting purrs. We are so sorry you are feeling poorly. Our thoughts are with you and your family.

The Island Cats said...

Skylar, we are so sorry you are not feeling well. We are purring for you and pray that your journey to the Bridge is peaceful...

Furkidsmom said...

We're purring and purraying for you. We hope you are with us for a while, but we know sometimes you need to leave before the humans are ready.

Sniffie and the Florida Furkids

Harry Spotter said...

Skylar we are purring and praying that you have a peaceful crossing over the bridge when the time comes and that you will be able to feel good and run free and play with all the other kitties. Blessings dear sweet one.

cats of wildcat woods said...

Skylar, we are so glad you Mommy can talk to you like that. We hopethey will know the right time for you. Sending lots of purrs and light so that you feel more like yourself more often.

Marg said...

Skylar, that is so sad that you don't feel good. But thank heavens you have such a good Mom that loves you so much and that takes such good care of you. Sending lots of purrs and hugs to everyone.

Jan's Funny Farm said...

Skylar, we're sad for you and your mom and dad, knowing they will do whatever is best for you when the time is right. We hope you will have more time together. Purrs and tail wags.

Angel and Kirby said...

We are sad for your family and that you are hurting. We are purring for you to find peace and comfort.

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

We is purring fur yoo Skyler, it's good to know dat yoor beins will be der fur yoo when da time comes. We just purray dat is awhile off yet.

Rose and the Royals said...

Sweet Skylar,
You are so very wise and brave, to have the knowledge that you will be crossing the Bridge soon, and accepting that it is your choice when. You're right, Humans as in tune to their furbabies as yours are, are never quite ready to say goodbye. But somewhere in their soul they will find the peace you have left for them, and they will know it's really only a twitch of a tale in your new Bridge time until you're reunited.
We are purraying very hard that God will help ease the physical pains you are enduring right now.
But think! At the Bridge,it will not even be a memory!
Enjoy your moments with your Mom and Dad, Skylar. They will treasure them.
So really, it's never "goodbye", but just Goodbye for Now

Ikaika said...

You are very wise to have this talk with your Mom and Dad, and we know you will tell them when it's time. We always do. We are sending purrs for you to be free of pain and happy while you are still with your family. Feel better, Skylar ...

'Kaika and the Yosemite cats

The Creek Cats said...

Skylar, we are so sorry to hear you are feeling poorly. We are sending you our very best healing vibes and comforting purrs.

Sweet Praline said...

Skylar, I'm purraying for you.

Samantha, Clementine and Maverick said...

Purrrs for you Skyler!!! ((((((HUGS))))) to you all!!
Your TX furiends,

The Lee County Clowder said...

Sending quiet purrrss and gentel headbuttss to Skylar.

ppuurrrrrr

Everycat said...

Skylar we are sending you love and rumbly purrs and wishes for a peaceful journey to The Bridge if that is to happen when you are ready. Until then, bathe in the love of your family, they love you very much

Whicky
Oliver
& Gerry